Chapter 26: “My Lies Turn Me Into The Boneless Wonder”

Season Covered: Spring 1908 (Part II of II)

I’ve determined how I will stab Germany.  It’s going to be slow, but I’m going to build position, and then just fake my way with some excuses. That’s the easy part of Spring 1908.

The hard part is Warsaw/Ukraine. Germany wants Warsaw. Turkey is moving to Ukraine and wants my support.  Austria wants me to support him there or support moving Moscow to Ukraine.  I cannot support both. I try to spin my way out the situation. First, Austria:

Germany asks me what I am going to do. I wish I knew.

As for Turkey, I owe him support into Ukraine. He gave me life in this game. I told him I would support him into Ukraine in order to cajole him into supporting me into Moscow the turn before. Truthfully, I promised him a lot more than that. I basically promised him the world, and that I would be his wingman to eventual victory. Turkey went out on a limb and trusted me about Moscow. I should repay his trust. Unsurprisingly, he came calling for the a debt repayment.

I’m stalling. Can I stall well with a player like Turkey? Doubtful. In the morning, he hits me up right away, along with a guilt trip.

“Roger that” is not a “yes.”  It’s just me trying to skate by.  Now, I want Austria to remain in Warsaw, where I can support him and effectuate the stab of Germany.  Austria tells me what I want to hear, which means Turkey can take Ukraine without my support.

Problem solved. I share with Turkey the fact that Austria wants to keep Warsaw, so Turkey will not need my support. Turkey remains insistent that I support Sev-Ukr. On a side note, Austria knows about Saving Private Ryan because I told the board I was going to the movie—it was the 75th anniversary of D-Day—with my daughter. I would be in the movie at adjudication time.

I enter the order to support Warsaw.  It’s final.  I’ll live with Turkey being mad. He will still take Ukraine.  All I have to do is go to the movie and the “skate by” and “delay.” Unfortunately, as soon as I send out the press about going to the movies, Turkey also immediately reaches out to me:

So, Austria is going to be super mad that I outright lied and supported Turkey into Ukraine, and Austria will lose Warsaw.  I will have to fade his heat.  What’s done is done.  It’s final. This time I mean it: Final.final.

Turkey is a great player and made good points. Is he too good a player?  Is it better to pay a debt and be even or give a favor and hope to be returned for one?  If I don’t pay my debts who would ever feel indebted to me?  This went through my mind.  Anyway, I owed Turkey more and I did what I said and changed my order to help Turkey. 

Turkey then says he’s going to talk to Austria with the idea of helping me:

So, I’m doing all this press with Turkey while I’m in the movie.  While I’m also in the movie, Austria, I tell him that Turkey has “gone quiet” so I don’t have to deal with this anymore.  Austria then writes:

Austria got me here on two levels:  First, he mentioned my daughter.  It really gotta me.  I was taking her on a special date and I excused myself for half the movie to press about this stupid game.  If I did not excuse myself I put my jacket over my head in the theater to press with Turkey and Austria.  I was overwhelmed.  Second, he knew something was up with Turkey, and I felt like I had to come clean.

I tell Turkey that Austria is suspicious. Turkey writes me back:

No, I wasn’t going to do that.  Turkey already got me to send fake press to Austria in the last year.  I did not want to lie any more to Austria.

I then just said, “screw it,” I’m going to be honest with Austria.  I knew he wouldn’t take it well, but I wanted to be straight with this great guy who had helped me in the past when I was in a dark place.  This is the man to whom I wrote, “El regalo más grande de la vida es la amistad, y yo lo he recibido. [“The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it”].  I came up with my solution:  Support Austria into Mos in the fall and take my medicine by losing a center. I write Austria the following:

I also tell Turkey that I told Austria the truth:

Austria then begins pressing me relentlessly.  I excuse myself from the theater.

Meanwhile, Turkey checks back in with me and suggests a potential lie.  I write back:

Meanwhile Austria got France to lobby me. I knew Austria went right to him:

I started to think maybe France was right. I went back to the movie and I kept my order the same to support Turkey’s move from Sevastapol to Ukraine. But I could not stop pressing as it was right before adjudication. AF lobbied me more, and I could not stop myself from checking my phone.

This talk of Conq getting me first and Austria throwing it angered me. It was not persuasive.

This line of argumentation was neither persuasive nor appealing to me.

I began to become convinced, however, that I would give Turkey the win and I would be the dumb one who gave Turkey the win/

I didn’t want to throw the game to Turkey.  These lines about Conq made me mad, but I was trying to see the bigger point (either that or I just manipulated myself).  I changed my mind again and decided to hurt Turkey. Final.Final.Final.  I feel very low, as low as I could be.  Nothing I could say was going to make me feel proud of my actions.

And with that, I turned my phone off.  I don’t tell Turkey because I could not bear the shame of changing my mind again.  In my real life, I dislike judges who rule for the attorney who speaks last.  I feared I had copied the judges I do not respect.

After the movie, my daughter asked me what was so important, and I tried to explain to her what was happening to me in the game and how I kept changing my mind.  She said, “Have you learned nothing from Survivor?  You are a pawn; you’re not dictating the action.”  Man, this hit me hard.

Overall, though, I’m broken.  I lied to Turkey.  Hell, I lied to everyone, and I became so flaccid mentally that I reminded myself of a Churchill quote about Prime Minister Ramsay McDonald:

The Boneless Wonder

“I remember when I was a child, being taken to the celebrated Barnum’s Circus, which contained an exhibition of freaks and monstrosities, but the exhibit on the programme which I most desired to see was the one described as ‘The Boneless Wonder.’ My parents judged that the spectacle would be too demoralising and revolting for my youthful eye and I have waited fifty years, to see the The Boneless Wonder sitting on the Treasury Bench.”

I was the “Boneless Wonder,” flailing back and forth so much.  Where was my backbone?

I reflected on all the cavalier lying I had done to advance my interests in the past three seasons.  It’s just brutal.

I didn’t care about the game that much anymore.  I feel like an awful human.  I can’t play a reality game.  I can’t play Diplomacy.  I don’t want to play Diplomacy.  I just want to go back to my life and not worry about a “game” where I have to lie and abuse people’s trust like this one.

The moves process: