Chapter 13: The Diplomacy Abyss

Season Covered: Winter 1904

Fall 1904

I wake up the morning after the evening of my second stab. I immediately write to Russia in hopes of keeping him from building his new unit in St. Petersburg.

So, this was a Saturday.  After my press with Russia, I became increasingly optimistic.  I’m also getting cocky, which is very dangerous.  My stab wasn’t good enough, and when France turned around, as I fully expected him too, I could get bottled up very quickly.  I reach out to Italy and see what’s going on in that neck of the woods.

So, my next stop is France.  Let me turn on the one thing I think I can do, my humor.  Unfortunately, my timing AWFUL.  Just awful. I forgot that “if it bends, it’s funny, but if it breaks, that’s not funny” because “comedy is tragedy plus time.”   Within 10 hours of my stab, I wrote to France and Italy the following post, called, “EFI Still On?”  I hoped F and I would see the humor, and maybe soothe tensions with France.  Boy was I wrong:

Notice here that France did not respond after writing, “What?”  So, I decide to ping him again in the morning, this time with a more sincere effort.  In press entitled, “All Kidding Aside”  I write:

My goal was to dissuade him from coming after me. Long (really long) story short, it failed miserably.  It makes for a good read, though.   France gives it his best to convince me to defer a build:

So, I did not like France’s change of tone.  Also, I seared those “ruin your game” and “kingmaker” lines into my memory.  If I had a chance to screw France and show him who the kingmaker could be, I would do it.  Anyway, I’m upset at myself because, in fairness, France was merely reacting to my initial change of tone. Nevertheless, no matter who started it, we begin to enter the Diplomacy abyss.

 I tried to dial it down before I saw the press France wrote quoting my bully line:

I then saw the bully line and wanted to respond.  On a side note, I think this was a mistake for France.  I was just shot-gunning out responses, but I could see I hit a nerve.  My first play was to amp up the smart-ass in me.

I doubted France could let it go, and I was right.

So, I just continue to tweak him.

I really did hit a nerve.  France is Ivan Drago.  

I cut Drago, errrrr France.  All it took was a schoolyard taunt.

Now I wrote that, and I meant it.  Then I re-read my press, and I thought that I might not come out looking so good if the other players saw what I wrote, so I was hoping France would not call my dare.  He didn’t.  Instead, he just fixated on being named a bully and wanted to keep going. 

At this point, I was having a lot of fun, and instead of being gracious and letting France off the hook, I decided to keep going and throw everything I could at him.

Wow, I couldn't help myself.  I kept throwing kerosene on the France dumpster fire. At this point, Game Master Ajax messages me on Discord.  He says he forwards press to some of the Mods, and that everyone is cracking up over this exchange.  I feel like a hero.

Anyway, I just have to make sure Russia won't build north.  I ping him again.

Another big mistake.  I don’t lock down any commitment.  I know France is lobbying him.  France has spent quality time with Russia and lobbying him against me. He kept his eye on the ball.  I kept my eye on my ego.

I reach out to Italy:

Note, if you haven’t seen a Texas deposition clip.  Here’s a classic.  

 Continuing the rounds with the other players, I need to ensure Germany is onside.

Finally, Austria reaches out to me to discuss the Russia and France:

So, let’s look at the winter adjustments and whether Russia built in St. Petersburg:

Winter 1904

Russia builds in St. Petersburg.  He crushed me.  France and maybe others (Turkey/Austria??) got him on board.

I immediately rush to Russia and say I’m throwing the game to France now.  Russia apologizes, and says all he wants is Sweden and he'll back off.  Man, I super bummed.

I didn’t mean it about throwing my centers, but I wanted him to think that might happen.  I had threatened to throw the game to Russia on two occasions.  It worked the first time.  I hoped it would work a second, but he later grew angry about it, although not right now (at least to me).

I try to brush it off with humor.  I post a Kill Bill reference and most everyone chuckles.

Ajax then states he is going to post the best press after the tournament.  This gives me an opening.

None of it works.  I try some more cuteness with France separately, but he’s no longer on tilt.  He’s cocky and he has every reason to be.  He just got me good.  He knows it.

Turkey wrote me some nice words.

Turkey and I then had a nice chat about lying and Diplomacy, and I found it meaningful, but I won’t share it here as it got into the realm of personal.  I went to bed slightly depressed about my situation, but I was still having fun, even if my game was spiraling downward.