“Friendship And Diplomacy – Can It Exist?”

I was invited to write about my experiences with Umble in Weaselmoot XV, where I placed seventh, no thanks to Umble. It marks the beginning of a new series for Diplomacy Briefing — “Back of the Bus.” Here was the article published in its September 10, 2021, issue.

“Friendship And Diplomacy – Can It Exist?”

“An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.”

-Buddha

Russ Dennis crippled my position in the first game of Weaselmoot XV and then played an incredible second game to win the whole shebang. Kudos to him for the well-deserved victory. In an impressive feat, he literally and figuratively earned the title of Alpha Weasel.

To help ensure his victory, he had to go through yours truly, and boy did he do so. On a board in which he had already secured a solid 11-center top thanks to my selfless alliance play, Russ cut me out of two centers to have a larger board top. His excuse is understandable: He had to maximize his score because he had not yet played a second game. On the other hand, he all but eliminated my chances of success. We had a great podcast about the game, where each of us politely engaged the other about our different viewpoints, but I’m not sure we agreed on anything other than our friendship would remain intact. I suspect most listeners would take Russ’ side of the debate. If I was a neutral party, I might as well. But I’m not neutral, and no matter how logical Russ’ argument may be, it irks me. This feeling is part of the reason Diplomacy is so challenging.

After the podcast, Russ asked me to write out my thoughts for The Briefing, and since I am a well-known attention seeker, I leaped at the chance.

Let me start by acknowledging the obvious: There’s nothing worse than a sore loser. Yet, I felt pretty sore in the immediate aftermath of our game, and the wound is still healing. I have stabbed people lots of times, and I have damaged people’s feelings by doing so. I wrote a whole Second Fiddle article about my guilt. So, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right? Maybe so. Or perhaps you may wish to hear the gander’s point.

The difference is this: While I have developed so many new relationships, acquaintances, and friendships with people over the past three years since I decided to begin playing this game seriously, my friendship with Russ has been the deepest and most rewarding. We met in the Season 2 Nexus Finals, where my playing style helped us form an initial bond. I then used my charm and personality to bond more deeply with him, eventually persuading him to act against his best interests to support my move to Moscow. A turn later, he came calling on me to repay the debt. I agreed to do so; however, I did not repay the debt. Instead, I supported his enemy against him the very next turn. My actions caused his position and tournament hopes to crumble. We had an epic flame war that will be covered in next week’s serial publication of Positively England. Please forgive the shameless plug!

Russ stopped playing online Diplomacy after the conclusion of the Season 2 finals. I needed a six-month break, and my online game has never been the same. In my experience, no game of Diplomacy matches the emotional roller coaster of the Nexus Finals. The truth is that, after the game’s conclusion, we plain did not like each other for a long time, and by that, I mean we did not like each other. To this day, neither of us is still entirely over that game.

Then, a tiny miracle happened. Russ suggested we start a podcast together called The Diplomats. Even after we started recording with each other, enmity persisted. In those early episodes, you can hear the tension between us. As time passed, however, something changed. Through hours of conversation, we genuinely began to like each other. We now frequently converse outside of our podcast. I know about his life, occupation, and deep faith. He knows about my family and work, and I have sought his advice as I have gone through some recent challenging times. In other words, we became friends—real, honest to God, friends. I would trust him with my children. He helped me improve my game and strongly encouraged me to play virtual FTF. But for Russ, I would not be here. I value how he encourages me to improve myself, both for my life on earth and beyond.

So, would I stab Russ despite our friendship? Of course. Would I stab him for a marginal advantage? Likely not. Yet, Russ is not me. He focuses on the board, and I focus on the player. Simply because I don’t think I would take his dots in the first round of a tournament I was already winning doesn’t mean that Russ sees the game the same way. Russ did nothing wrong, but he did something I don’t think I would do.

Don’t we all share that frustration at some time or other in Diplomacy? It’s the human element that makes this game impossible to crack. Should I take this game less personally? I don’t know. Building personal relationships is the key factor to any success I have had in this game. It doubly hurts when the person I have made my best personal and genuine relationship with playing Diplomacy hurt my game. Given that I stabbed Ben Kellman and John Archbold to win Cascadia, I am fully aware that my whining may be a bit much for some of you.

I don’t think any of us should play this game on a purely personal level. I believe the cliques of vFTF are hurting the game and depressing tournament attendance. The meta-gaming is out of control. I won’t ally with you because I like you. I won’t attack you because I dislike you. I will do my best to play the position and the players just like I should. I look forward to newer players coming into the hobby and getting to know them, as well.

Russ is a genuine mensch and is not the evil friend Buddha describes in this article’s opening quotation. For those playing him without knowing him, I wish you could see that side of Russ. He burned a lot of trust with me in that game, but he also achieved the tournament’s objective. I don’t know how I will handle Russ the next time I am adjacent to him on a board. I will probably default to a “trust but verify” mode. That’s okay, I don’t trust Morgante Pell or Liam Stokes, but I still enjoy playing with them.

I know the things I won’t do. I won’t let a game—any game—diminish a real friendship. I won’t stop being me, which is to approach each game with an open mind and a genuine willingness to meet new people and find mutual interests. And while I would trust Russ in a heartbeat to care for my children, I definitely would not trust him to exercise restraint on a Diplomacy board, even at a friend’s expense.