Chapter 4: Paranoia’s Perils And Positives

Season Covered: Fall 1901 Negotiations

Spring 1901

The players have 24 hours before entering F01 moves.  As time moved forward, France’s move to Pic appeared ominous.  I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  So, I determined that the only way to move forward was for me to get Belgium, with either France’s or Germany’s help.  If I could get my two builds, then EFG would each have two builds. 

The first 23.5 hours of negotiations were like my dating attempts in high school. I would find a girl, really any girl, who seemed in any small way to like me, and then I would weasel up to her in hopes that she would go out with me.  I would ingratiate myself, be funny, daring, or whatever I thought she wanted.  Inevitably, during this long learning period with women, the same series of events would play out:  I’m the nice guy who would ask for a more serious relationship, and the girl would say no thank you.  I would convince myself that this initial and polite rejection was simply an invitation to try and impress her further.  My competitive instincts would ramp up; I would redouble my efforts, and then eventually, I would be given an amicable speech in which the lady would tell that we would never actually be boyfriend/girlfriend.  Then, it was over.  We could be “friends” and nothing more.  This situation repeated itself for several years and led to a prolonged period of celibacy. I’m stubborn, and it takes me a while to learn. When I figured out that desperation equals death, I became the Casanova that is loved and admired today the world round.  Once I caught some kind of interest, I just stopped caring to impress, and voila, I became the hunted.  All right, that’s too much.  Ladies never hunted me, but they tolerated me.   Good enough for government work.

Yet, I forgot these years of lessons and failed to apply them to Diplomacy.  

Belgium was my high school girl goal, and unfortunately, I set to get her as I did all those years ago with real high school ladies.  For example. My communications with France:

My communications with Germany:

The more I wanted Belgium, the more it was clear that neither France nor Germany would help me get there.  So, I pushed.  They seemed politely resolute to resist.  While I didn’t get the explicit cold shoulder, it was clear that I wasn’t going to get into Belgium’s pants anytime soon.  I went to bed depressed and replaying everything in my mind.

This board really was like trying hard to date someone.  Yet, I failed to realize that by airing this frustration, it just made me look weaker. 

I reach out before deadline to see if I can get anyone to change their minds. I framed my messages to France and Germany similarly;

Germany told me I had to work it out with France. France, however, told me it wasn’t happening.  Just all blunt like.  We aren’t boyfriend/girlfriend.  So much for “Team Ass.” 

Oof. And, that last part about my decision to put Italy into the finals was a crippling blow.

With 30 minutes to go before adjudication, I put the Board into Sandbox.  I entered the moves that were the worst for me, a semi-Sea Lion[1] (no Russia), and I thought, man, that could screw me.  France already seemed to reject me, and Germany did not care.  If they were working together, this was the perfect storm.

Then, paranoia set in. I became CONVINCED of FG.  Italy reached out at precisely that moment, responding to an earlier message of mine:

He then writes a separate press to me entitled “Belgium,” and I tell him what I think.

Calling me “brother” was a smart play.  I have to remember that in the future.  It implies a bond.  I then revealed my paranoia to him.  He egged me on and told me he thought I was right.

So, he says he’s hitting Munich.  At that point, I was like, “Fair enough. I’ll go out like a man in 1901.” I take this inspiration from The Godfather’s inspirational message to Johnny Fontane.  

I had no long term vision; just panic and base instinct.  Fear overrode logic, or did it?  I don’t want Germany and France to each get two builds, while I only get one.  If I let France have Belgium, Germany will only get one, and he’ll have two enemies.  Plus, France will have to build in Mar, so that’s not a big deal to me and may induce fear in Italy to fight France.  So, if these jerks did not want to date me, I’ll bounce Germany in Holland and mess him up and delay him a bit and see what I can do with France.  That may set them both against me or drive one or both back to the table to work with me or hopefully induce France to attack either Germany or Italy.  

I switch my orders with five minutes to go to bounce Germany in Holland and keep an army in Britain for defensive purposes.I prepare for Germany’s angst.

Notes

[1] In Diplomacy, a “Sea Lion,” named after the German war plan to attack England in World War II, is an alliance between Germany, France, and Russia to attack England.